Self Inflicted Wounds
by Angylinni
Summary: Prim is getting married and Katniss returns home. Fate has plans for her and Peeta and once they're back in the same place, can they figure out this crazy mess between them once and for all or is it time to finally say goodbye for good? Pt. 5 Finding Home
1. My memory serves me far too well

Chapter 1: My memory serves me far too well

"I can't believe my little sister is getting married," Katniss said, hugging Prim tightly.

"I know, it's crazy, isn't it?" Prim said as they stepped back, Katniss holding Prim's hand to admire the gorgeous diamond ring on her left ring finger. "I never thought Rory would grow up, but when he did – wow!"

Katniss laughed. "I think he finally realized you were going to leave him behind if he didn't get his shit together."

Prim sobered, looking up at her sister. "What about you and Peeta?"

Katniss sighed, turning to stare out the window. "We're… not in a good place."

Prim laid her hand lightly on Katniss' shoulder. "You could try talking, that's generally a good place to start."

Katniss leaned her cheek on Prim's hand. "We don't have anything to say to each other anymore."

Prim hugged her tightly. "That I don't believe, Katniss Everdeen. I saw you two together; you love each other more than anyone I've ever seen, except Mom and Dad."

Katniss stiffened. "Yeah, and look where it got them. They died because of that love."

"What? No, they didn't!"

Katniss pulled free from her sister. "Yes they did! They were so consumed by each other they were off on a trip for alone time when that drunk driver came and wiped them out. If they were here, where they belonged, we'd still be a family!"

"Katniss! You can't think like that! They didn't die because they loved too much; they died because someone made a stupid mistake, just like you're doing by pushing Peeta away."

Katniss narrowed her eyes at her sister. "Excuse me? I wasn't the one that pushed him away, he slept with someone else!"

"He made a mistake after you'd left him alone here for three years," Prim said softly. "I don't want to fight with you, Katniss but I don't like seeing you unhappy either. You ran away six years ago and asked him to completely uproot his life just to follow you around. Did you really think that was going to happen?"

"I don't… I don't know," Katniss said, sitting down on the window seat. "I just know that it hurts to be here, knowing he's here."

"You still love him."

She looked up. "Of course I still love him," she said, wiping angrily at the tears that gathered at the corner of her eyes. "But he hurt me and I can't move past that."

"I think you both hurt each other," Prim said, sitting down next to her. "Unintentionally and intentionally, but time heals all wounds and I know you can get past the hurts." Prim slung her arm around Katniss' shoulder. "You love each other, you shouldn't waste that, it's too hard to find."

Prim was off spending time with Hazelle, getting her dress fitted one last time and Katniss had time on her hands, which she hated. At least at home she had things to keep her occupied, or Gale to talk to. He wasn't coming in until tomorrow, caught up in recording the band's first album; he would only be able to spend one night here, just long enough to see his brother and Prim get married and then fly back to LA on the red eye out of Pittsburgh.

Her phone vibrated. Pulling it out, she read the text from Prim. _Katniss, I need you to go to the bakery, I forgot to make sure that Rory's cake has chocolate filling like he asked for._

Katniss sighed. Her sister wasn't going to give up on wanting her and Peeta to talk. This was the fourth "errand" she'd asked her to run to the bakery. The other three times she'd managed to pass off to Hazelle and Posy, but they were both busy at the shop, helping Prim get fitted perfectly.

_Fine, but I think you're full of crap. You ordered that stupid cake weeks ago and there's no way in hell you let a detail like that slip your mind._

Tucking her phone back in her pocket, she grabbed the keys to the car and went out to the garage, slipping into the driver's seat of the rental. Turning the key, she winced as the radio blasted loudly. Her favorite song by Tonic was on and the words hit her like a sledgehammer. _I need to be around you. I want fall into your eyes. I love to feel you close to me but there's no peace of mind. I live to hear you laughing. I long to feel your hands fall down. Along the side of me._ She spun the volume down to nothing and sighed. "Thank you universe, for reminding me how much I miss him, as if I needed a reminder."

Putting the car into drive, she backed carefully out of the driveway. Darius was out here somewhere so she was doubly careful as she drove along the familiar streets towards the small downtown area. She parked in front of the bakery and got out of the car, clicking the lock on the key fob. Standing on the sidewalk, she glanced inside the gold painted window at the cakes. That'd been one of her favorite pastimes, staring in at the gaily decorated desserts, trying to imagine what they'd tasted like.

Her phone vibrated again and she pulled it out.

_I did forget! When you get married, you'll understand that there's a million and one details and you can never keep them all straight. Besides, it'll do you good to talk to him before the wedding tomorrow because yes, he will be there. I love you!_

Katniss snorted. Like she was _ever_ getting married. Nope, she'd be leaving that to Prim and everyone else. Traveling the globe and working with developing nations didn't leave much time for a husband and family and she was perfectly content to be the way cool aunt that came to town and spoiled the kiddos rotten. Taking a deep breath, she pulled open the door to Mellark's and stepped inside, the amazing smells taking her back instantly to when she'd worked here with Peeta.

_His flour covered hands deftly folding the dough over and over, kneading the ungainly lump into a smooth globe of quivering perfection. She could watch him do that for hours, long fingers smoothing over the dough, easing it into the perfect shape. No wonder he was so good with his hands, he practiced for hours._

_Damp heat speared between her thighs and her mouth went dry as she watched the muscles in his arms and shoulders move beneath his plain t-shirt as he lifted the hundred pound bags of flour like they weighed nothing. He was so perfectly put together, not too big but so strong he could probably bench press an elephant. She loved the way those arms held her tightly and how turned on she got by staring at the crisp hairs at his wrist, delicately dusted with flour as he worked._

_The sweet chocolate icing she'd smeared over his bare chest and licked off when he'd been showing her how to frost the cakes late one night. She never could look at the icing bags in the same way ever again._

"Good afternoon, welcome to Mellark's, how may I help you today?"

Katniss was pulled from her thoughts by the pleasant voice and she smiled at the young redhead standing behind the counter. "Um hi, I'm Prim Everdeen's sister and she has a question about her groom's cake for tomorrow."

"Oh, she's such a sweetheart! Let me get Peeta for you, one second."

"No, wait, that's … not necessary," Katniss said, her voice trailing off as the girl disappeared into the swinging doors to the kitchen.

Peeta came out a second later, wiping his hands on a towel. "Katniss," he said, a smile tugging at his lips as he stared at her, his gaze drifting slowly down to her feet and then back up again. "It's good to see you."

"Yeah, you too," she said softly, taking a moment to drink him in as well. Her heart stuttered as she stared hungrily, taking note of every detail. His hair was too long again, hanging in his face and his eyes looked tired but they were still the same bluer than blue that she remembered. "Lavinia said you had a question about Rory's cake?"

Katniss nodded. Okay, they were going to do things this way then. Fine, she could live with that – maybe. The hurt they'd inflicted on each other was still there, but time had muted the sharp edges and now all she could think as he led her towards one of the small, wrought iron tables near the window was how much she missed him being in her life. That pain was still needle sharp and it bit painfully into the tight shell she'd constructed around her heart. "She thinks she's forgotten to tell you to have it filled with chocolate."

Peeta smiled as they sat down. "Wedding details driving her crazy?"

Katniss nodded, chuckling. "I told her there was no way she'd forget a detail like that but she told me I'd only understand when I got married." Her cheeks flamed and she dropped her gaze to the floor. _Way to go Katniss; drop even more awkwardness into this already painful conversation._

Painful silence rose and she could feel her cheeks heating even further. Glancing down at his hands, she looked for the telltale sign of a wedding band and her heart started beating again when she saw nothing on his fingers. That didn't mean much though, not for a baker, but she really couldn't imagine Peeta not wanting to show off the fact that he was committed to someone, even if it would be a pain to bake with.

"And obviously you're not."

She blinked, staring at him owlishly. "What?"

His cheeks flushed a dull red. "Married, you aren't married."

"Oh, no," she said, shaking her head. "Not really in the cards for me." Her mouth began speaking again without her brain engaging. "And you. Are you married?" She wanted to kick herself. This must be a version of hell, former lovers coming together and having painfully stilted conversations over the most banal but oh so pertinent details.

"No, not married," he said softly. "There's only one woman I would want to do that with and I blew it."

Her eyes locked with his and her heart stuttered in her chest once more at the look of raw need on his face. "You don't think she'd forgive you?"

He shook his head, gaze never leaving hers. "No, I hurt her pretty badly." He was silent for a moment and then sighed. "Actually, we both did a number on each other, but if I did get a second chance, I wouldn't blow it this time."

The tiniest smile curved her lips. "What would you do differently?" She shook her head slightly, her hair sliding over her cheek, obscuring one side of her face. Whatever had made her leave it down today, she wasn't certain, but she was eternally grateful when she saw the way he was looking at it, his fingers flexing on the table top.

He tilted his head, a slow smile tugging at his lips. "I'd not be such a stubborn ass and insist that the only place to be together is here."

"So you'd be willing to spend time wherever she was?" _Say yes, please whatever deity exists, say yes!_

"Yeah, home isn't a place, it's a person and I lost mine when I forgot that." He leaned towards her, clasping his hands together on the table mere inches away from hers.

"I think she'd like to hear that," Katniss said softly.

"Yeah? I don't know, I hurt her pretty badly," he said, smiling as Lavinia set two mugs of coffee down in front of them.

The redhead returned a moment later with a small plate of cheese buns. "Sorry to interrupt, but your sister said you loved these."

Katniss felt tears pricking her eyes as she reached for a cheese bun, pulling it apart, waiting to speak until they were alone once more. "I think she hurt you pretty badly too, right?" She couldn't look at him right now without losing it and she inhaled sharply when his hand settled lightly atop her own.

"She did," he said gently. "But I deserved it, what I did was pretty shitty."

Glancing up at him through her lashes, she gave him a watery grin. "She'd probably want to tell you she's sorry too and that she's made a lot of mistakes."

"We both have," he said quietly. "But you're not here to stay and I can't leave, so we're right back where we were four years ago."

Katniss nodded, her heart shattering into a million tiny shards at the finality in his words. "We are."

Peeta sighed, removing his hand from her wrist. "Then, I guess we better discuss Rory's cake and leave the past in the past, hm?"

Katniss dropped her gaze to the table once more and nodded; missing the warmth of his touch so much it felt like someone had cut off her arm. "Yeah, that'd probably be the best thing for both of us."

"Tell Prim that Rory's cake is not only filled with chocolate ganache, but iced in it as well. Rory's preference for anything chocolate is well known. He's been a regular customer for many years."

Katniss looked back up at him. "She'll be so relieved, thank you." She took a sip of her coffee, staring at him over the rim. So, you'll be there tomorrow?"

Peeta nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. "I'll be at the ceremony and then I've got my delivery boy coming to drop off the cake so I can get it all set up for the reception."

"Okay then," Katniss said, scooting back her chair and standing up. "I guess that takes care of what I needed. I'll see you at the church tomorrow."

He reached out to lightly squeeze one of her hands. "Looking forward to it."

"Prim! The car's here," Katniss said, gathering the full skirt of her soft orange dress and holding it up as she ran lightly up the stairs. "Come on, little duck, we can't keep Rory waiting!"

"I'm ready," Prim said, stepping out of the bedroom they'd shared as girls at Haymitch's house. Her white ball gown fit her perfectly, deceptively simple in the styling, it had a series of lifts on the skirt that made it look like a soft pile of gently whipped cream. The tight sweetheart bodice flared over her small chest and left her shoulders bare. Long white gloves and a delicate diamond necklace were her only other adornments. "Except I need help with the veil." She held out the gauzy piece of fabric, shot through with shimmering strands of silver and edged in the lace from their mother's veil.

"Oh Prim, you look so beautiful," Katniss said as she moved behind her sister and gently fastened the veil in place, covering the delicate bun that rested on the back of her neck.

"So do you!" Prim said, as her sister moved back in front of her. "I knew that color would be perfect for you."

"I'm so happy for you, Prim. Mom and Dad would be too," Katniss said as she wiped away a tear that had formed at the corner of her eye.

"Don't make the girl cry, Sweetheart. This is a happy day," Haymitch said as he came up the stairs, looking dapper in a black tuxedo with a soft creamy white tie and orange vest that matched Katniss' dress perfectly. "C'mon ladies, our chariot awaits."

Haymitch led Prim down the stairs with Katniss following, holding her sister's skirt up so she could walk down the steep steps unimpeded. They were out the door and settled into the stretch limo a few minutes later.

The ride to the church took no time at all and when they pulled up in front, Prim grabbed Katniss' arm lightly. "I'm getting married! Right now!"

Katniss smiled, laying her hand atop Prim's. "You are, and you're going to be so happy, Rory loves you so much."

"I love him too, Katniss, more than I ever thought possible."

Haymitch exited the car and walked around to open the girl's door, holding his hand out to help Prim out of the car. She stepped out, Katniss following. Gale was waiting for them on the steps, his hair tipped in bright orange to match the color scheme. Katniss laughed as he sprinted down the short walkway. "Nice hair."

Gale laughed, picking her up and spinning her around. "I thought you'd appreciate it." He turned to look at Prim. "My brother isn't worthy of this vision. Prim, you look gorgeous."

A pretty blush settled on Prim's cheeks. "Stop you." She glanced over his shoulder at the closed doors of the church. "Is he very nervous?"

"Like a whore in church," Gale chortled. "He was convinced you weren't going to show up, so he sent me outside to personally escort you inside."

"Silly man, he's the one that insisted on the church wedding, I was all ready to go to Vegas."

"Primrose Everdeen! You were not!"

She shrugged and winked at her sister. "I was too! I just want to be married to him, the rest is just gravy."

"C'mon, let's get you inside and down that aisle before he shits himself," Gale said, nodding at Haymitch. Gale held his arm out to Katniss as Haymitch helped Prim up the steps and inside the church. Posy was waiting in the apse with the bouquets and she handed them out as they stepped inside.

Katniss lined up right behind Posy as the organ began to play. Her hand rested lightly on Gale's forearm as Posy walked slowly up the aisle on Vick's arm. A flash of blonde caught her eye and she inhaled sharply as bluer than blue eyes met hers, staying on her face the entire time she walked down the long aisle to the front of the church. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute and all she could think of was how amazing he looked in his dark blue suit. The music changed and her attention was drawn to Prim, standing at the end of the aisle on Haymitch's arm. She heard Rory's sob as Prim began walking, her eyes on him as she walked closer with each step.

Rory met them halfway. "God I love you," he said as Haymitch handed her over to him. Katniss could feel the tears gathering and she pulled the hanky Posy had tucked into the bouquet free and dabbed at her eyes. She felt Peeta's eyes on hers again and she glanced out, easily finding him in the sea of faces. She was blown away by the look on his face, her knees knocking together as heat seared through her. Despite everything, she wanted him still.

The ceremony passed in a blur and before she knew it, everyone was at the door of the church, tossing birdseed and congratulations as Prim and Rory got into the limo. Katniss leaned against the doors of the church, a wide smile on her face as she watched the car drive off.

A warm hand on her elbow made her turn around. Peeta was standing behind her. "Hi."

She smiled. "Hi."

He cleared his throat. "God, you look beautiful. That color on you is perfect."

"Thanks," Katniss said, feeling a blush creep up her cheeks. She'd fallen in love with the soft orange Prim had picked to be her main color, muted and rich, it was the perfect shade the sun turned as it set in late summer. Her gaze swept over him once more, her heart racing. "So do you."

He grinned, the tips of his ears turning red. "I uh, I have to go to the hotel now and I was wondering if you needed a ride over there?"

"Oh, um sure," she said. "I didn't even think how I was going to get over there." Gale strode up behind Peeta, his brow lifted in question. Katniss smiled and shook her head. "Gale, I'm going to head to the hotel with Peeta, I'll see you over there."

"Okay, but if you take more than an hour, I'm sending Haymitch after you."

Katniss' blush intensified and Peeta laughed. "I'll get her there in plenty of time, I have to set up the cake, remember?"

"Yeah, but the reception isn't for two hours. Lot can happen in two hours."

"Gale!" Katniss said softly, her cheeks flaming. "Stop it!"

He snorted with laughter. "Whatever Catnip, just don't be late, okay? Prim'll have my head."

"Did you need to get anything?" Peeta asked, drawing her attention once more.

"No, I left everything at the hotel because I knew we'd be there the rest of the night."

"Great, my truck's out back." He led the way through the church and out to the lot, unlocking the door and holding it open for her. After she got in, he carefully tucked her dress up and out of the way of the door before shutting it and jogging around to the driver's side. Pulling open the door, he slid into the seat and turned the key.


	2. Show me love

Show me love

Peeta parked in the back, near the kitchens and after he'd turned off the truck, turned to look at her. "I didn't realize how much I'd missed you until I saw you yesterday."

Katniss smiled. "Me either," she said softly. "We've really made a mess of things, haven't we?"

He laughed and nodded, reaching for her hand. "I'd like to think that maybe there's a chance to rectify that? We were friends once."

Katniss shook her head, her tone rueful. "We were never friends Peeta." Her eyes met his. "It's always been so much more than that."

His free hand lifted, cupping her cheek. "I never stopped loving you, Katniss. I don't think I even know how."

She leaned into his touch. "I love you too, Peeta. Six years and I still can't get over you."

He gently tugged her closer, brushing his nose against hers. "I need you," he breathed raggedly. "So damn much. It's like having one of your senses gone. You can still function, but all of the joy is sucked out of everything."

Tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she whispered, clutching his hand with her own.

"I'm the one that should be sorry, if I hadn't slept with-"

She put her fingers over his lips. "Shh, we both made mistakes. I should've come home; I knew I was being selfish."

Warm lips covered hers, cutting off her words. She leaned into the kiss, her mouth opening beneath his as the years fell away, the pain and hurt washed away by the searing joy she felt at finally being with him once more.

So lost in each other, neither one paid any attention when a van pulled into the spot next to them, cheerfully honking the horn, startling them apart.

Katniss stared at Peeta, and he stared back at her before they both started laughing, tears streaming down their faces as they fell over each other, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Every time she looked at him, a new round of giggles would start.

A teenaged boy appeared beside Peeta's door, his dark brown hair sticking up in every direction, a wide grin on his face. "I'm here boss!" He shouted through the glass.

His appearance set off another round of laughter, Katniss holding her stomach and doubling over as she was consumed by fits of giggles.

Peeta wiped his eyes and rolled down the window, nodding at the boy who was now frowning in at them. "Thanks Gill, just open the back and we'll get it unloaded together."

"Right away," Gill said, leaving them alone once more.

Katniss pulled the visor mirror down; inspecting her face to make sure her makeup was still intact. Peeta stared over at her, a soft smile on his face. "You're beautiful."

"You're biased," she said, closing the mirror and winking at him. "C'mon, let's get this cake inside so I can promise Prim that everything is going to go as smoothly for the reception as it did for the ceremony."

"Okay, but first chance we get, we're talking about what just happened, yeah?"

She stared at him, a smile creeping onto her lips. "Yeah."

His grin was wide as he got out of the truck and walked over to the van, tying on the apron Gill handed him before helping the boy get the cake out of the van and onto the wheeled cart that a hotel attendant had rolled out to the van. The cake was a thing of beauty, even in pieces. Peeta had decorated the plain cream fondant with fall flowers that were so perfect and lifelike that Katniss had to actually touch one to realize they were made of sugar paste.

She followed behind them, a smile on her face as she watched Peeta walk. His ass in the dress pants was sheer perfection and heat flooded her body as she remembered just how it felt beneath her fingers as he was thrusting into her.

He turned around, his smile widening as she nearly bumped into him, so lost in memories that she forgot where she was for a second. "You okay?"

She nodded, flushing. "I was staring at your ass," she whispered furtively.

He chuckled, chest puffing out with pride. "Yeah? Like what you see?"

Katniss brushed a kiss across his ear. "Ask me later."

His bark of laughter made Gill and the hotel attendant turn around to stare at them curiously. Peeta waved them on, shaking his head. "I'll meet you in there." The second they were out of sight, he turned, pushing Katniss gently up against the wall, pressing his body into hers. "You are an evil, evil woman," he whispered against her neck, lips grazing against her pulse point. "The things your voice does to me should be illegal."

Katniss rolled her hips against his and moaned as he bit down on the junction of her neck and shoulder. "You know what that does to me."

He chuckled wickedly, big hand cupping her ass, pulling her even more firmly against his arousal. "I do know, so now we're even."

She leaned up on her toes, licking his earlobe before sucking it into her mouth, biting down on it. "We're not even close to even," she breathed into his ear, slipping her hand between them to tease against the heavy bulge of his cock.

Bracing his hands on the wall above her head, he pulled back to stare down into her eyes. "Think they'd notice if we just disappeared into your room and didn't come out for a week?"

Katniss laughed, deep and throaty. "Considering I'm the maid of honor and you've still got to set up that wedding cake? Yeah, I think it'd be a little noticeable."

"Too bad," he said softly, tongue darting out to swipe along his lips.

Her eyes locked on his tongue like a homing beacon and she squirmed against him, pressing her thighs together. She spoke before she could think better of it. "But after the first dance, I think maybe then we could."

He'd started to move away from her, but as soon as she was done speaking he was right back, pressing tightly against her. "You want to…"

Katniss took a ragged breath. "So much."

He kissed her, lips tongues and teeth clashing hotly as they clung to each other - long, ravenous kisses that left her aching for more. His hips thrust against hers and it took every ounce of willpower she possessed to not fuck him here in the hallway.

"Boss? Oh shit! Shit! I'm sorry!" Gill froze as they jerked apart, his cheeks bright red. "I'll um, yeah," he stammered, spinning around and pushing through the doorway, leaving them alone again.

Katniss stared up at Peeta, her breath coming in ragged pants. "We really need…"

"Some fucking privacy," he snarled, raking a hand through his disheveled hair.

She laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist and snuggling closer. "Later?"

He sighed, hugging her back and resting his cheek on the top of her head. "Definitely."

She tilted her head. "I'm gonna go to the room, fix my hair and makeup so I don't look like I was ravished in the hallway and you're going to go put that cake together."

"Right, and then I'm going to hit the bar and have at least two shots."

She slapped his chest lightly. "Don't get drunk! I expect you to be on the ball later."

Peeta laughed, dropping a quick kiss on her nose. "I'll be so ready you won't know what hit you."

A dark thrill shot down her spine at the banked heat in his gaze, belying his light banter. "You'd better be, we have a lot of time to make up for. I have lots of ideas."

His lips curved in a wicked grin. "You and me both, lover."

She inhaled sharply and moved out of his arms, straightening her dress. "Okay, we're adults, right? We can wait an hour or so, we've been waiting three years as it is."

"Yeah, we're golden," he said, winking at her. "I'll see you soon. Save the first dance for me."

She grinned widely, walking backwards away from him. "I will, I promise." She blew him a kiss and then turned and walked down the hallway, darting glances at him over her shoulder until she turned the corner.


	3. You're my best friend

You're my best friend

The first thing she did when she got to the room was throw herself onto the bed and laugh, wrapping her arms around her center and letting the joy that was surging through her release. After yesterday, she'd been certain there'd been nothing left, but today. She inhaled deeply. Those kisses, the way he'd cradled her against his body. Languid heat seeped through her, tickling along her nerves as he stomach danced in remembrance.

The door to the room opened and Gale stepped inside hand covering his eyes. "You decent?"

"Yes," she said, sitting up and laughing at him. "Uncover your eyes, dumbass."

He dropped his hand, shutting the door behind him. "Didn't think you'd be alone," he said as he came to join her on the bed.

"He's putting together the cake." She turned to face him. "Am I crazy?"

He laughed, bumping her shoulder with his. "Fuck yes."

She swatted his arm. "Gale, be serious!"

He winked at her and then sobered. "Look, for as long as I've known you, he's been the one and the same goes for him. Doesn't matter what you do to each other, you and Peeta Mellark are meant to be."

"I still love him," she said softly, dropping her gaze to her hands.

"And he still loves you." Gale tipped her chin up with his finger. "I saw the way he was looking at you during the ceremony, Catnip. Nothing's changed. It's the same look he always had back in school. You're the sun, moon and stars as far as he's concerned."

"There's so much between us," she said.

"You're grownups, the both of you, you'll figure it out." Gale lay back on the bed, folding his hands beneath his head. "I talked to him, after you broke up."

"What? You never told me that!" Katniss said, poking him in the stomach.

He grunted. "I actually came to kick his ass for sleeping with that slag Glimmer, but nothing I could've done to him was worse than what he was doing to himself."

"I still don't know why he did that," she said, lying back next to him on the bed.

Gale rolled over to face her. "He thought you'd broken up with him when he wouldn't come to Belize."

"What? I never said I wanted to break up!"

Gale shook his head. "No, but you did give him an ultimatum, didn't you?"

She flushed, laying her arm across her eyes. "Yes. I was so pissed! All I wanted was for him to compromise just once!"

"No, you wanted him to leave this place behind and come live with you. That's not compromising, that's doing what you wanted."

"Shut up."

Gale grabbed her arm, pulling it off of her face. "Seriously Catnip. You expected him to leave everything behind - his family business, his family, his entire life just to follow you around while you chased your dream. Is it any wonder he figured you were finished when you told him that he'd better come to Belize or not call you again?"

"I can't breathe here," she cried. "I feel like my chest is being slowly crushed to the point that I'll die if I stay."

"Then you have a problem, because he's never going to leave here."

"So what do I do? Living without him is like living without my left arm. I can do it, but it's hard and painful."

"You learn to compromise. Grow up and realize that the world can't just be your way."

She glared at him. "Like you've grown up?"

He laughed, shaking his head. "Going on the defensive isn't solving your problems, Katniss. We're not talking about my life, this is your mess. Find a way to fix it or walk away before it destroys you both." His gaze turned serious. "And it will destroy you. The line between love and hate is so thin it's nearly invisible."

She sat up, laying her hand on his arm. "You and Brutus still fighting?"

Gale sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "He's still afraid to come out."

"He's in banking, right? Old family money?"

Gale nodded.

"He's got a lot to lose, Gale."

"And I don't? Do you think its easy being a bisexual man in the public eye?"

Katniss sighed. "You chose to be in the public eye, he hasn't. He just chose to love you."

"Yeah well, it's been four fucking years; I'm getting a little tired of hearing his mom ask him when he's going to find a nice girl and settle down."

"You can't make that choice for him."

"I know!" Gale shouted, leaping up off the bed and raking his hand through his hair in frustration. He spun around, pinning her with a fierce glare. "Quit making this about me! We were talking about you and Hotbuns."

Katniss burst out laughing. "What did you call him?"

Gale flopped back down on the bed. "He's a baker, has a nice ass, thus Hotbuns," he explained patiently as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

"Oh my god, I'm so gonna tell him you called him that!" Katniss said, chortling.

"It wasn't me, Johanna made it up."

"And when has Johanna seen Peeta's ass?"

"There was a picture somewhere at the house, you were swimming that summer you stayed here and I was in New York."

"What about her, how does she feel about your relationship with Brutus?"

Gale wagged his finger in her face. "Jo and I are just fuck buddies; she knows I'm in love with Brutus. And that's all I'm gonna say about it. Not gonna talk about me and my fucked up life anymore, yours is much more fun to dissect."

Katniss snorted, grabbing his finger and bending it back. "Jerk, that's just because you like to tell me what an asshole I am."

Gale grinned unrepentantly. "Of course, Catnip, if I can't tell you the truth, who can?" His gaze swept over her critically. "You didn't fuck him yet, did you?"

"No, but I really, really want to," Katniss said, getting up off the bed. "I feel like I'm eighteen again and it's the first time." She spun around to face Gale. "What if it sucks?"

He rolled his eyes. "Has it ever sucked other than the very first time?"

She picked up the pillow and threw it at his head. "No," she said petulantly.

"Then why would it suck now? Surely you know what gets the other off by now, right? Just do that."

A fiery blush spread across her cheeks. Gale picked up the pillow and tossed it back at her. "Do not even! I don't want to know what gets Hotbuns and Catnip off!" She arched a brow at him and he laughed. "Okay, him I wouldn't mind, but you, never!"

Katniss jumped onto the bed, straddling his hips. "He uses his tongue Gale, and three fingers."

He clapped his hands over his ears. "LALALALALALA."

Katniss grabbed one of his hands and pulled it away from his ear. "And then his tongue slides into my pussy-"

Gale flipped them over, slapping his hand across her mouth as she collapsed into laughter. "One more word and I'll tell him that you used to masturbate to the picture of him in his wrestling uniform."

Katniss' eyes widened and she peeled his hand away from her mouth. "You wouldn't dare!" she hissed.

He arched his brow, a wicked grin on his lips. "Shut up about how Hotbuns goes to town on your hoohaw and I won't."

"Hoohaw?"

He shrugged. "Whatever you fucking call it."

Katniss pushed him off her and he fell next to her on the bed. She leaned up and looked at him over her shoulder. "It's vajayjay, plebian."

"I don't fucking have one, I don't have to know what they're called," he said archly.

She shook her head and pushed up off the bed, walking to the bathroom. "Help me fix my hair so it doesn't look like I sneaked off with the baker and fucked his brains out."

"Just leave it down, looks better that way anyway," Gale said as he followed her into the bathroom.

"And then everyone will want to know why I changed it."

"So tell them the truth, Hotbuns ravaged you and you let him. Prim would be over the moon."

Katniss laughed, reaching for her brush. "Fine, he likes it better down anyway."

Gale leaned his chin on her shoulder. "Easier to pull if he's fucking you from behind?"

She smacked at him and he danced away, laughing. She spun around, hands on her hips. "For someone that doesn't want to know what gets me off…"

He laughed, grabbing the brush from her and firmly spinning her back around. "Shut up and let me fix your hair, or I'll lock your ass in here and you won't be getting off at all."

"Just work your damn magic and make it look like it was before I was kissing him up against the wall," Katniss said, glaring at him in the mirror. She couldn't hold it though, the corners of her lips twitching as he stared at her archly.

"Against the wall? Hooker."

"Jealous much?"

"Fuck yes! It's been weeks since I've been laid."

Katniss wiped away a pretend tear. "Boo hoo, Gale hasn't gotten his dick wet in weeks. Cry me a river."

"Oh, it's on now," Gale said as he pulled the brush through her hair. "Hotbuns is totally going to be seeing your collection of get me off pics."

"I hate you."

He laughed, pulling her hair back into the low bun it'd been in for the wedding, wrapping it expertly around his fingers and securing it with the bobby pins she handed him. "No you don't, you love me. We've had this discussion before, remember?"

"If you tell Peeta I have a collection of pictures that I get off to, nothing that we've previously discussed is valid."

"Bitch please; do you really think I would do that?"

She glared at him in the mirror. "If you got drunk enough, fuck yes."

He pulled her backwards, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressed a noisy kiss to her cheek. "I love you Catnip, but you can really be a rank bitch sometimes."

She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "And yet you still hang around, knowing this."

Gale laughed, tucking in the last bobby pin. "Of course, who else would put up with my drama queen antics?"

She turned his wrist and cursed. "Shit, we've been in here nearly an hour, I need to get out there before Prim gets here and make sure everything's okay."

"Relax, Rory texted me, he was taking her up the mountain to get some pictures in the old treehouse." He pulled his phone out and sent a quick text. The phone buzzed almost immediately. "They'll be here in about twenty minutes."

"Good, I can work with twenty minutes. Can you check with the hotel staff and make sure everything's set for dinner while I go check on the cake?"

Gale's grin was a mile wide. "Really, you're just going to," he made air quotes, "check on the cake?"

"Shut up," Katniss growled, trying very hard to keep the smile off of her face but not succeeding very well. "Glimmer is the hostess assigned to us and if I see that bitch, I will, no lie, scratch her fucking eyes out. So yes, will you please go make sure everything is okay so I don't get arrested today?"

Gale held up his hands in surrender. "Fine, I will go deal with the skank to make sure you don't spend the night in jail instead of in Hotbun's arms, happy?"

She gave him a quick hug. "Yes and thank you."

He chucked her under the chin. "Anytime sweets, you know that."

Katniss stood staring at the cake, a wide smile on her face. It was stunning. Four tiers of perfect cream peppered with roses in the deep, saturated colors of fall – vermillion, plum, mustard and deep pumpkin orange. The entire cake was iced in delicate lacework, framing the flowers perfectly. The topper was a huge bouquet of the flowers surrounding the small wedding couple that had sat atop their parent's cake.

"You like it?"

Katniss turned as Peeta approached and she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "It's the most beautiful thing I think I've ever seen," she said, eyes stinging as tears gathered.

"Thanks," he said, hugging her tightly in return. "But it pales in comparison to you."

She pulled back and gave him a watery smile. "You are such a flatterer."

He winked, reaching into his pocket for a hankie and holding it out to her. "I just tell it like I see it," he said softly.

"I can't believe those flowers aren't real," she said, moving out of his embrace to go closer to the cake.

"The ones on the top are, I wanted her to be able to press them into her wedding album."

Katniss grinned shyly at him over her shoulder. "You always were a romantic."

He shrugged, blushing slightly. "Love should be celebrated. It's hard as hell to find and even harder to keep."

"It takes work," she said softly.

"And commitment."

"Am I interrupting? I really, really hope I am," Gale said as he walked up to join them. "Mellark."

"Hawthorne," Peeta said.

"Well, now that you've puffed yourselves up like roosters, do you need to whip out your dicks to find out who's bigger or what?"

"Down girl, we're just doing the guy thing." Gale said, laughing. "And on that chilly note, I'm going out front to wait for Prim and Rory, make sure he doesn't try to detour to the room instead of in here."

"Good idea," Katniss said. "But I think Prim's the one you need to worry about, not Rory."

Gale nodded. "Right, she's an Everdeen, seems to run in the family," he said, winking and backing up out of her reach as she glared at him. "Don't be too long, kids." He turned and strode across the ballroom, laughing.

Peeta sighed. "I still can't decide if I like him or not."

Katniss laughed, walking over to bump his shoulder. "He feels the same way about you."


	4. Just you and me, the whole night through

Just you and me, the whole night through Tet

Prim took the microphone from the DJ, smiling out at the small crowd. "This was the song my parent's shared their first dance to. Please join Rory and me on the dance floor to honor their memory and the memory of everyone else no longer with us."

Rory was waiting for her at the end of the stage and he led her down to the dance floor, spinning her into his arms and pressing a kiss to her lips. Katniss watched them, small blonde Prim and tall, dark haired Rory. They could've been Ella and Riordan Everdeen.

Warm hands slid around her waist, pulling her back into a gentle embrace. "Dance with me?"

She turned her head, smiling at Peeta. "I'd love to."

His hand curled warmly around hers and he led her onto the small dance floor, slightly away from the rest of the crowd. Pulling her closer, he didn't even bother trying to hide how close he held her, his hands settling loosely on the small of her back.

Katniss' arms slid around his neck, fingers tangling in the soft curls at his nape. The words of the song washed over them as they swayed gently, barely moving.

_When I need you_  
_I just close my eyes_  
_And I'm with you. And all that I so wanna give you_  
_It's only a heartbeat away._

_When I need love_  
_I hold out my hands_  
_And I touch love. I never knew there was so much love_  
_Keeping me warm night and day._

_Miles and miles of empty space in between us_  
_The telephone can't take the place of your smile._  
_But you know I won't be traveling forever._  
_It's cold out_  
_But hold out_  
_And do like I do._

_When I need you_  
_I just close my eyes_  
_And I'm with you._  
_And all that I so wanna give you babe_  
_It's only a heartbeat away._

_It's not easy when the road is your driver._  
_Honey that's a heavy load that we bear._  
_But you know I won't be traveling a lifetime._  
_It's cold out_  
_But hold out_  
_And do like I do._  
_Oh_  
_I need you._

_When I need love._  
_I hold out my hand_  
_And I touch love._  
_I never knew there was so much love_  
_Keeping me warm night and day._  
_When I need you_  
_I just close my eyes_  
_And you're right here by my side._  
_Keeping me warm night and day_  
_I just hold out my hands_  
_I just hold out my hands_  
_And I'm with you_  
_Darling._  
_Yes_  
_I'm with you_  
_Darling_  
_All I wanna give to you_  
_It's only a heartbeat away._  
_Oh_  
_I need you_  
_darling._

She tipped her head up to look at him, smiling as he said the words to her. "I need you."

Her heart stuttered in her chest at the raw, naked desire she saw in his gaze. "I need you too," she whispered. "So much."

The song segued into another slow number and Gale tapped Peeta on the shoulder. "This one's mine, Mellark. You'll have her for the rest of the night," he said, grinning. "Rory isn't going to last much longer before dragging Prim up to their suite."

Peeta closed his eyes and inhaled slowly before nodding, reaching up to gently pull Katniss' hands from around his neck. He pressed a kiss across the back of the one he put into Gale's hand.

Gale grinned, spinning her lightly in a circle before pulling her closer. They both watched Peeta go stand off by the side, watching them dance. "So, looks like you're on the way to figuring things out."

Katniss shrugged. "We haven't had a chance to even talk yet."

"Well, if that dance was any indication, from the outside looking in, it doesn't look like you were ever apart."

She smiled up at him. "Not sure if that's a good thing or not."

Gale spun her again and then hugged her closer. "You'll figure it out Catnip."

"I hope so, I'm tired of living like part of me is missing." She glanced over her shoulder and met Peeta's gaze, butterflies dancing in the pit of her stomach. She felt like she was eighteen again and sitting in the truck with him, watching the rain pelt down.

_"You like me?"_

_He nodded, reaching for her hand. "So much."_

_She shook her head, pulling her hand out of his. "Do I look stupid? If you liked me, why didn't you ever say anything?"_

_He shrugged, turning his head to try to hide the hurt look on his face. "I dunno. Scared, I guess. I didn't want to get shot down."_

_She laughed mirthlessly. "Really? Do you even know me? I'm the town freak, me and Gale; we know what everyone says about us. The dyke and the fag."_

_"Stop!" he shouted, glaring at her. "Not everyone is like Glimmer and her gang of elitist bitches."_

_She snorted. "Didn't keep you from dating her, did it?"_

_He rolled his eyes. "Put yourself in my shoes for one minute. You know my mother. Her best friend is Glimmer's mom; do you think I had a choice in the matter?"_

_"But you still did it, probably fucked her too, right?"_

_"I'm eighteen, Katniss. Do you really think I was going to turn down getting laid?"_

_Katniss laughed bitterly. "Of course not." The tension drug out between them like taffy, stretching endlessly as she fidgeted._

_"It wasn't good," he said into the tense silence. "I mean, I came but I didn't ever want to do it again."_

_She jerked her head sideways, staring at him. "Why are you telling me this?"_

_He scrubbed his face with his hand. "I don't know. I'm a reasonably intelligent person, but the second I get around you, I babble like a lunatic, telling you shit that I know you don't want to hear."_

_She reached over, pushing her fingers against his lips. "Stop, it's okay. You're one of the have's, I get it. You have a certain lifestyle to live up to, but that doesn't explain why you followed me from the party, or forced me in here to talk."_

_He curled his hand around her fingers, threading them together. "I told you, I like you, a lot. I know this is my last chance to actually do something about it."_

_She stared at him in confusion. "I don't-"_

_He moved closer, cutting her words off with his lips. Soft and gentle, he kissed her slowly, barely moving his lips against hers. Fiery heat curled in her belly and she moaned softly as his hand covered her shoulder, pulling her forward. A big, warm hand cupped the back of her head, tilting it just so as he licked across her bottom lip, tugging at it lightly with his teeth._

That kiss had been the start of everything. Gale tugged at her chin, drawing her attention back to him. "Earth to Katniss, where did you go?"

She laughed. "Ten years in the past."

Gale snorted. "That's the last fucking place I'd want to go." He twirled her again. "So, you gonna move back here to be with Hotbuns?"

She gave him a horrified look. "Hell no! I have that job in Philly, I guess we can spend weekends together, it's only a six hour drive."

Gale snorted. "And you think that's going to be enough?"

She sighed as he dipped her, their faces inches apart. "I guess we'll see, won't we?"

"Okay everyone, time to say congratulations to the happy couple and wish them well on their life together!"

Rory picked Prim up and carried her to the door, the crowd following behind them. He strode to the doors of the ballroom and spun around, glaring. "Okay, thanks everyone for the great party, but if any one of you comes knocking, I will personally kick your ass for interrupting us, you get me?"

Katniss shook her head as Rory eyed his brothers. "And this means you, Gale and Vick!"

"Take your wife to bed!" Gale shouted. "Before she realizes she married the wrong brother!"

Prim sat up straighter in Rory's arms and shook her head. "Nope, I married the right one; you missed your chance, Gale!"

Rory didn't give anyone else a chance to heckle, he turned around and walked out of the doors, already kissing Prim as they moved towards the elevators.

"So, that's what goes on at an Everdeen wedding," Peeta said, coming up to stand behind her.

Katniss turned and shook her head. "Nope, an Everdeen Hawthorne wedding," she corrected. "We Everdeen's would've just left without the speech."

His gaze locked with hers. "Does that mean you're ready to leave?"

Her mouth went dry and it felt like a million butterflies were dancing in her stomach. "Yeah," she said.

"Thank god," he said, reaching for her hand, threading their fingers together. "I mean, uh, shit. You'd think this would be easier," he said, shaking his head. "Um, you still want to…"

She moved closer, fitting her body into his. "Oh yeah." Her eyes widened. "Uh, do you?"

"More than anything," he said, his grin a mile wide.

Her smile was just as wide. "I'm in room 216."

"I have to make a quick call, let Caleb know that he'll be opening alone tomorrow morning and then I'll be right there, okay?"

She nodded, biting her lip. Leaning up on her toes, she whispered in his ear. "Don't keep me waiting." She tugged gently on his earlobe with her teeth and was rewarded with a strangled moan.

"Fuck," he breathed, hands gripping her hips. "I won't," he vowed, backing her up against the wall. His eyes were dark with want and she shivered. He lifted a finger to trace along the line of her jaw. "Ten minutes," he said.

"I'm holding you to that," she said, rolling her hips against his.

"Make it eight," he groaned, reaching for his phone.

Katniss unlocked the door to her room with shaky fingers. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her, suddenly beset by nerves. She walked into the room and set the key card down on the dresser, staring into the mirror above it. The face that stared back at her was the same one she looked at every morning, but for some reason, today it felt different. Seeing Prim get married and start on her journey with Rory made something inside of her break. She had nearly everything she'd wanted when she'd left this place ten years ago – a fantastic career and no ties holding her to anything. The only thing missing from the equation was the equally fantastic lover. Peeta was the one for her, she knew that deep in her soul and she loved him more than life, but in no way, shape or form was she ready to make the commitment that Prim had made with Rory. She didn't want to be the little woman, greeting her man at the door after a long, hard day and realistically, she knew he'd never ask that of her, but still, even thinking about it gave her the heebies. They could make this work without marriage and definitely without babies. She'd raised one sibling; she had no desire to raise another child.

"Stop it," she said aloud to her reflection. "Stop worrying about the future and just live in the now." She'd been trying to do that for the last three years, and had been thus far unsuccessful, but if the past two days had shown her anything, life moved on no matter what you did. She reached back to slide the zipper of her dress down, carefully stepping out of it and going to the closet to hang it up. Her stomach was a mass of nervous tension and she turned back to look at herself in the mirror. Black lace boy panties cupped her ass lovingly, matching the lacy bra that barely covered her breasts. Suspender stockings and a garter belt in the same black had left her feeling sexier than she'd felt in a long, long time. The stiletto heels she'd worn hurt her feet, but she left them on, knowing that Peeta would get a thrill out of the entire outfit. It was something she rarely wore, but Prim had insisted they get matching lingerie, almost as if she'd known what would happen if Katniss and Peeta were put back into the same room again.

Her mind flashed back to when she'd shown up at his house wearing nothing but lingerie. It had ended so badly and it made her want to reach for her robe or a t-shirt or anything. She'd just taken a step towards the closet when the knock sounded on the door, three sharp raps that had shivers dancing down her spine and her stomach roiling.

She walked slowly to the door, peering out of the small peephole. Peeta stood on the other side of the door, his tie unfastened and the top two buttons of his white dress shirt undone. His hair was rumpled, like he'd run his fingers through it endlessly and it made her thighs clench together tightly. He looked so amazingly fuckable that she found her fingers curling around the door handle, pulling it open before she could overthink things.

His eyes widened as she stepped back, moving so he could enter the room. He was on her before she could blink, mouth covering hers in a kiss so hot and deep that she felt her toes curling in her shoes. Pressing her against the wall, he groaned her name as he feasted at her mouth, one hand rising to cup her cheek, the other sliding over her hip, dragging her leg up to wrap around his hips.

"So beautiful," he rasped against her skin, peppering her face with soft kisses, moving down to the join of her neck and shoulder. She gasped when he bit her, teeth marking the spot where her pulse leapt from his touch.

Her fingers speared through his hair, pulling his head up so she could stare into his eyes. "I need you," she panted, rolling her hips against him, reveling in the feel of his cock against her pussy. "I need you to fuck me."

"Katniss," he growled, fingers flexing on her hip. She slid her hand between their bodies and unfastened his pants, his breath escaping on a soft hiss as she grazed his cock. Cupping the heavy bulge, she squeezed lightly, tongue darting out to slide across her lips in silent invitation.

He grabbed her hand and lifted it up over her head, using his other hand to pull the other one up as well, securing them in one hand as he finished unfastening his pants, pushing them and his boxers down his hips. She stared hungrily as his cock was freed; straining upwards with the slight left curve that she remembered so well. Her panties were drenched, fire licking hotly along her nerve endings as he stared at her breasts, licking his lips. "Don't move your hands," he commanded, lifting his gaze to lock with hers. "Or I'll spank you."

She inhaled sharply at his words, a dark thrill racing through her at his dominant tone. She was so in control in everything else, it aroused her like nothing else when he took charge, telling her in no uncertain terms that he was calling the shots.

"Do you understand me?"

She nodded, biting down on her lip as another fiery burst of heat spread through her, throbbing deep within her pussy.

"Good," he said, stepping back. She curled her fingers together and stretched languidly under his heated gaze. "Spread your legs."

She complied instantly, spreading her legs wider. He reached out and traced the band of her panties, finger teasing lightly against the skin of her stomach. She moaned and squirmed as he dipped his finger lower, tracing over her swollen clit through the wet lace. Want, need and lust collided like nuclear fission and she could barely hold still, pressing her hips back against the wall as he slid his finger over the wet and throbbing nub.

"You can't come until I tell you," he said in a low, deep voice. "You're not going to come until my cock is buried so deep inside of you we can't tell where I end and you begin."

She whimpered, biting hard on her lip to keep the throaty groan in that wanted to escape at his words.

He gently unfastened the tiny snaps on her suspenders, leaving them hanging against her thighs, another level of sensation to add to the throbbing intensity between her legs. His hands skimmed lightly over the bare skin on her thighs above the stockings until he reached the waistband of her panties. Hooking his thumbs in the side, he drew them slowly down her legs, crouching down for her to step out of them. When she was bared before him, he moved closer, breath hovering over the thatch of damp curls that shielded her pussy. He spread her legs wider, lifting one thigh to drape over his shoulder as he inhaled deeply.

"You smell so fucking good," he breathed, his mouth covering her clit in a hot, wet kiss that made her scream, nails digging into her palms to keep them above her head. His tongue slid into her and she moaned, her hips rolling against his mouth as he licked and sucked. Right before she was going to explode, he drew back and stood up, unfastening his shirt and pulling it off, tossing it behind him. Her knees nearly buckled when he slid two fingers deep inside of her, curling them up as he fucked her with them, her hips snapping in time with every sharp thrust, the heel of his hand pressing hard against her clit, stoking the inferno he'd started with his tongue.

"Gonna," she panted, riding his hand.

"No!" he said sharply, biting down on her shoulder. Her nipples were so tight and stiff, pressed against his hard chest, rubbing against the lace cups with every thrust of his hand.

"Please," she whined. "Peeta, I want to come."

"Put your hands on my cock."

She lowered her hands, licking one palm and wrapping it tightly around the hot, thick length of him. He was so hard, filling her small hand to overflowing. His breath hitched and he bent his head, drawing one of her nipples into the dense heat of his mouth, his fingers twitching inside of her.

She gasped when he drew hard on her breast, flicking his tongue against the pebbled tip of her nipple. The combination of the lace and his mouth was intense, igniting fires deep within her body. Her hand slid along the velvety skin, gripping tightly like he liked it. He released her nipple and kissed a blazing hot trail to the other breast, giving it the same treatment.

Katniss moaned when he added a third finger to the two already buried deep within her body, thrusting hard against her with every stroke of her hand. She was flooded with sensation, her head swimming with the miasma of lust he'd aroused within her. Nerve endings were screaming with the need to release the pent up tension that he was amping up with every hard thrust of his hand against her center.

"Peeta," she moaned, hips rolling against his hand, her own strokes choppy and inelegant as he stoked her higher and higher.

He stilled against her, lifting his head to stare into her eyes. "What do you want Katniss?"

"You, I want you."

He shook his head. "No, be specific. I want you to tell me exactly what you want." He pulled her hands free of his body and lifted them above her head, holding them in place with one hand around her wrists.

Her eyes were wide as they stared at him, pupils dilated with need. She licked her lips, her body twitching against his fingers. "I want you to fuck me, as hard and as deep as you can."

He groaned, pulling his fingers from her and lifting her thigh, filling her with one hard, thick stroke. She climaxed immediately, deep, hiccupping sobs wrenched from her throat as ecstasy flooded her body. His hips flashed against hers, mouths eating at each other as he fucked her hard and fast, driving his cock into her. She came again in a flood of bliss, her knees buckling as pleasure filled every ounce of her being.

"God, Katniss," he panted, hands gripping so tightly on her hips that she knew she'd have bruises in the morning. "You feel so fucking good. I can feel you coming on me."

She opened her eyes, drugged from the ecstasy that filled her. "Peeta, come for me," she said softly, sliding her fingers through his hair, tugging on the blond curls. "I want you to come."

The slight pain sent him over the edge, his hips jerking sloppily as he collapsed against her, pinning her to the wall, groaning her name as he came.

Long moments passed as they fought to find enough air to breathe. Katniss felt boneless, his big body the only thing keeping her upright. When he pulled away, she moaned as he released her leg, pins and needles shooting through it.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently, cupping her cheek and stroking over her skin with his thumb.

"Yeah," she murmured, "Just sore."

"Oh shit, I'm-"

She pressed her fingers against his lips, cutting off his apology. "If you say you're sorry, I'm gonna kick your ass," she said, grinning. "It's a good sore, one I've missed."

He pressed a kiss to her fingers and stepped back, picking her up and cradling her against his chest. "I think the bed is a good idea, yeah?"

"Yeah," she said tiredly. "I wanna cuddle."

He laughed, juggling her so that he could pull down the covers. When he got the bed open, he set her gently down on the sheets. Katniss kicked her heels off; narrowly missing his head as he bent down to peel her stockings down her legs. "You looked so sexy, I couldn't help myself," he said as he gently rolled the delicate material down her legs.

"Don't apologize," she said, reaching down to run her fingers through his hair. "I loved it. I love it when you get all dominant, turns me on like fucking crazy."

He grinned up at her and stood up, reaching around her back to unfasten her bra and pull it down her arms. He unfastened the tiny hook in the back of the garter belt and drew it off her body as well, tossing it back over his shoulder before scooting her gently over so he could join her on the bed. She waited until he got settled, and scooted back until she was lying next to him, one leg tossed up over his, her arm draped across his back.

Their breath mingled and she smiled at him. "Let's not wait three years to do that again, huh?"

He laughed. "Uh, I was thinking maybe in twenty minutes or so we could do it again?"

Katniss laughed, nodding as she kissed him. His tongue danced against hers and she forgot what she'd been about to say, lost in the heat and magic of his touch. They had things to work out, and lots of talking to do, but right now, here in his arms, she was content to let it all wait and revel in the feel of him against her once more.


	5. so here we are again

So here we are again

Katniss woke warmer than she'd ever been in her life. Blinking open her eyes, she smiled as she saw Peeta sleeping next to her. Leaning up on her elbow, she traced lightly over his stubbled jaw, her grin widening when his lips twitched. She ran her finger down the straight line of his nose and fought back giggles as he snorted and mumbled under his breath. When she traced the plump curve of his lower lip, he growled, eyes snapping open. He scrubbed his hand over his face before he realized where he was. She dissolved into giggles as he turned to look at her. "What're you doing?"

"Touching you," she said softly, grazing the back of her fingers against his stubble laden cheek once more, heat beginning to build between her thighs.

"I can see that. Why?"

She bent closer, breath skating across his lips. "Because I can." One big hand cupped the back of her head, gently bringing her head down to bridge the last bit of space between them as his other hand splayed across her hip, drawing her closer to the heat of his body. He kissed her deeply, lifting her leg up and over his hips. She moaned into his mouth as he dipped his fingers between her legs, teasing against her clit. He was hard and ready beneath her thigh and she shifted and then he was there, easing into her with a thick thrust that left her gasping, nails digging into his biceps.

"Damn, you're good at that," she panted when she drew back from the heady kiss, bracing her hands beside his head as she rocked over him, rolling her hips down on every stroke.

"No better than you," he grunted, big hands palming her ass, guiding her into a hard and fast rhythm that left her breathless with need. The fire built swiftly, radiating out from where they slapped wetly together, low moans and breathy pants permeating the air.

"Peeta," she panted, tits bouncing in his face as she moved faster, gripping his hips with her knees. "Gonna…come…oh my god…feels…so…good."

"Come Katniss, I want to feel you all over me," he said, reaching between them to flick his thumb against her clit. She fell apart, body spasming as wave after wave of bliss raced through her. He held her hips hard, flipping them over so he could pound into her with abandon. Katniss held on, nails digging into his back as another wave of ecstasy crashed over her, the aftershocks playing along her nerve endings like fire.

"Fuck, Peeta!" Her voice was so high pitched and thready, it didn't sound like her as she screeched his name, her body tightening around his cock. He lifted her legs up over his shoulders and shifted position, the hard ridge of him hitting her just right to send her crashing over the edge again, blackness wavering at the edges of her vision.

"Mine," he growled, bending forward, pressing her legs against her body. "You're mine, Katniss."

"Yours," she panted back, barely coherent as he fucked her into oblivion. Her body hummed with pleasure as his strokes lost finesse, balls slapping against her ass as he swelled even bigger inside of her, finally spilling into her body with a deep groan.

She wrapped her arms around him as he collapsed atop her, lips buried against her neck, teeth grazing against her leaping pulse. "Always," he breathed against her skin. When he could finally breathe again, he lifted his head, staring down at her with a crooked smile.

Katniss brushed his sweaty hair away from his forehead. "I love the way we do that."

His gaze turned serious. "I love _you_." She stiffened beneath him and he sighed.

"Peeta-"

"No, don't say anything right now," he said, dropping a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. "I just want you to think about it."

She sighed and nodded. He moved off of her, flopping down onto the bed on his back. She leaned up on her elbow and cursed. "Shit, I'm supposed to be downstairs in half an hour to eat breakfast with Prim and the family."

He turned his head to look at her. "I'll let you get dressed then," he said, sitting up.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, snuggling closer. "Come with me," she said into the skin of his back as she pressed her cheek tightly against him.

"You want me to come to breakfast with you and your family? What'll that look like?"

She drew nonsensical patterns on his bare skin with her index finger. "It'll look like you and I spent a fantastic night together and now you're coming to breakfast with me. Relax, Peeta. My family loves you. Prim must've tried half a dozen times to get me down to the bakery to talk to you."

He turned to look at her and she dropped her gaze to her lap and he reached out to tip up her chin, forcing her to look at him. She blinked rapidly as tears came unbidden. "I need you," she said softly. "I hate being without you. I want you with me. I love what you do to my body, I love the way it sings to your touch." Each sentence was punctuated with a kiss to his hands, cheeks, wherever she could reach.

He leaned closer, gently pressing his lips to hers, not pushing or deepening the kiss, just gentle pressure against her own. She sighed and lifted her hands, running her fingers through the thick, blond curls, tilting her head as she deepened the kiss, her tongue gliding into his mouth to tease and play against his. The kiss lasted several minutes, neither one of them wanting to be the first to pull away. When they finally did break for air, they stared into each others eyes, unwilling to break contact.

"I've got a change of clothes in the car, lemme run out there and get them and I'll be right back to go to breakfast with you, okay?"

She nodded. "I'll be in the shower, washing off the amazing sex smell."

He laughed. "I'll have to join you then, because we both stink of it."

Her hand lifted to cup his cheek. "I can't think of anything else I'd rather smell like."

"Me either," he said, winking at her. "But if I don't get out of this bed right now, I'm not going to and then we're going to be late and it'll really be awkward."

Katniss laughed. "Go then, but hurry back; I need someone to wash my back."

"You're late," Prim said as Katniss and Peeta walked into the restaurant. Peeta grinned and laid his hand on Katniss' back, guiding her gently towards the open seats at the end of the long table. Gale, Rory and their mother were sitting next to Prim.

"I overslept," Katniss said as she sat down in the chair Peeta pulled out for her.

"I bet," Prim said with a wink as Peeta sat down. "But I managed to be on time, and I'm the bride."

"I can leave if that'd make you happier?" Katniss said, staring pointedly at her sister.

"Fine, but you and I are going to talk later," Prim said, shaking out her napkin.

"I figured as much," Katniss said, smiling at Peeta as he gently laid his hand on her thigh.

"Peeta, dude that cake was amazing! Prim and I demolished it last night after we-"

Prim slapped her hand across her new husband's mouth, leaning close to hiss in his ear sotto voce. "Rory, they know what we were doing last night, they don't need the play by play."

Rory's face flushed bright red and he nodded. "Sorry dude, but the cake was epic."

Peeta laughed and smiled. "Thanks Rory, glad to hear you liked it. I'll make one for you both on your first anniversary if you'd like."

"Righteous," Rory said, winking at the waitress as she gathered up his menu. The short blonde girl went around the table, taking each order and gathering menus until everyone had given their order. As she wandered off, Katniss caught Gale staring at her. He mouthed a sentence silently and nodded his head towards Peeta. _Things good?_

Katniss nodded in return, laying her hand atop Peeta's on her leg. _Getting there, _she mouthed back_._

Gale winked at her and reached over to ruffle Rory's hair. "So little bro, did you live up to the family reputation?"

"So, you said your new job starts next week?" Peeta asked. She turned to glance at him over her shoulder from where she stared out the big picture window in his dining room. He was leaning against the counter, looking nervous, fidgeting with the items on the counter.

"Yeah, I got my apartment before I came down here and the movers delivered everything but it's such a mess, boxes everywhere." She turned to walk back to where he stood, pulling out a chair from the big wooden farm table in the kitchen and sitting down in it.

He leaned his elbows on the counter. She watched him try and fail to maintain his calm demeanor. He looked like his stomach was tearing him up inside. "I could help you get everything unpacked," he said softly, picking at the fringe on a dishtowel. "I mean…" his eyes met hers and his confidence failed. "Shit." He raked a hand through his already disheveled hair. "I don't even know if you want to see me after today."

She got up from the chair and walked towards him, smiling. "I want to see you again, Peeta."

The smile he gave her in return nearly melted her toes; it was so filled with love, passion and relief. "So um, do you want to stay here a few days? I can get a little ahead at the bakery and then go with you back to Philly."

Katniss came up to stand beside him, nudging his hip with hers. "You mean, try to have a normal relationship for once?"

He chuckled, reaching for her hand and enfolding it in his larger one. "Something like that, yeah."

"I think that sounds wonderful," she said wrapping her free arm around his waist and snuggling closer. "Gives us a chance to get to know one another again."

He turned to give her a wide eyed stare. "We can still have sex, right?"

Katniss leaned closer, lips brushing his ear lobe. "We'd better."

"I thought we could go out, since we haven't really had a date in ten years," Peeta said as he stepped out of the shower, toweling off his hair. He'd been at the bakery all day while she'd spent the day with Prim, helping her set up her new house.

"You want to take me on a date?" Katniss asked as she ran her pick through her long hair. Her towel was slipping, but after what they'd just spent the last twenty minutes doing in the shower, she didn't think it was all that important to preserve her modesty so she let it fall to the floor as she ran the pick from root to tip through her hair. "Wouldn't you just rather spend the entire night in bed?"

He came up behind her, fitting his hips against her ass. "Did I forget to mention that's part of my agenda, but for later?" He bent his head, biting gently at the junction of her neck and shoulder. She moaned and pressed back against his hips, rubbing her ass against his hardening cock. "Stop that," he said, settling his hands on her hips, stilling the movement. "We just got done and you've got me ready to go again."

She met his gaze in the mirror. "You really want to go out? And do what? It's not like there's a ton of stuff to do in this one horse town."

"There's a really nice restaurant that opened up down near the river. Thresh and Rue started it after he got done with culinary school. It's called the Mill and they've got a really stellar view of the river from the main dining room."

"Did they finally get married?" she asked, running the pick through her hair once more, wincing as she found a particularly large tangle from where he'd gripped her hair as he'd come.

"Yeah, they've been married for a few years, even have some kids, two, I think and she's pregnant with their third."

Katniss shivered. "Ugh, more power to her, I can't imagine having three rugrats hanging off of me all the time."

"She doesn't seem to mind, they buy all of their bread from me and she's positively glowing when I see her."

Katniss shrugged. "Her life, her choices. They aren't what I would choose, but if she's happy, then who am I to judge?"

Peeta dropped one last kiss on her shoulder. "So, dinner at the Mill and then whatever we decide to do after that?"

She nodded, meeting his gaze once more. "As long as it involves you and me and that bed in there, I'm good with anything."

He swatted her ass. "You're insatiable."

She turned around, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and rubbing her breasts against his chest. "No, you're just that good." She moaned as her nipples tightened, a flood of damp heat settling between her thighs. "Let me amend your plan. We go to the bed, have amazing sex to work up our appetites, go to dinner and then come back here and do it all over again."

"I like the way you think," he said, slipping his thigh in between hers, pulling her closer so that she straddled it.

Katniss could barely think as he began pulling her gently against him, his hair roughened thigh hitting her clit with every stroke. "Bed, now," she panted, lifting her leg to wrap it around his hip. He caught it and slid his hands up her thigh, boosting her up against him before carrying her into the bedroom. Tossing her on the bed, he followed after dropping his towel. His mouth was on her before she could even inhale, sliding through the slick folds and teasing her clit with his tongue.

"Holy fuck you're good at that," she panted, hands fisting in the bedcovers as her body arched up into him, feet planted firmly on the bed so she could thrust up in time with his licks.

"Mmmm," he hummed, stroking her slowly with the flat of his tongue. The vibrations sent her over the edge, keening his name. He slapped his hands on her thighs, holding them apart as he licked and sucked her through the first and second orgasms before climbing up onto the bed and sliding into her with a thick, heavy thrust that had her nearly sliding up the bed with the force.

"Harder…faster…" she panted, nails digging into his back as he pounded into her, arms braced on the bed beside her head. She reached up, threading her fingers through his hair, pulling his head down to kiss him. Their tongues battled fiercely. He lifted her thigh, changing the angle of penetration and she fell apart, awash in a sea of bliss, her body quaking with the aftermath. "Oh god…" she mewled as another wave crashed over her, black encroaching on the edges of her vision.

"I love you," he groaned, hips spasming hard against hers when he collapsed atop her, burying his face in her neck.

Katniss closed her eyes, aftershocks of bliss ratcheting through her as she panted heavily. Her hand ran through his sweat soaked curls, nails scratching lightly against his scalp. "I love you too," she said softly.

The Mill was everything Peeta had said it was, even if they were a half an hour late for their reservation. Rue teased them when they finally arrived and Katniss felt her cheeks flush but she wasn't sorry, not even the tiniest bit. Peeta's ears were red as Rue led them through the small but elegant dining room to a table overlooking the river and the small waterfall from the dam that gave the building its name. The gently tumbling water made the perfect backdrop out of the floor to ceiling window.

After they'd ordered, Thresh delivered their plates himself, setting them on the table with a flourish before bending over and giving Katniss a hug. "Good to see you again, girl. Been too long. That boy over there needs you like lungs need air."

Katniss smiled, reaching for Peeta's hand. If this week had shown her anything, it was that being with him made her feel complete, but she wasn't about to put that up for public dissection. The only thing they didn't agree on was children and that had been an unpleasant discussion last night that had left them both out of sorts until they'd finally agreed to disagree and move forward.

"You enjoy your dinner now and I hope we'll be seeing you again," Thresh said with a saucy wink before disappearing back into the kitchen.

"I'd forgotten what it was like to be in a small town where everyone knows your business," Katniss said as she sipped her wine, staring out at the slowly gathering darkness.

"It's not that bad," Peeta said, shrugging. "They care about us Katniss. Not everyone is like Glimmer and Gloss."

She turned to look at him. "I'm sorry; I'm being whiny when there's really no reason for it." Her gaze dropped to the table. "Old habits die hard I guess."

"You're being you and that's perfectly okay. I love you no matter what," he said, reaching for her hand and curling their fingers together. "I didn't bring you out tonight to get you in a funk; I wanted you to have a good time."

"I am having a good time; it's just hard sometimes to be back here. It feels like my entire life is up for scrutiny."

"Your life is what you make of it, and I've never known you to care about anyone's opinions before."

She sighed. "I don't care, maybe that's the problem. I feel like they're judging me and they don't even know me, not the me I've become."

He gave her a gentle smile. "Then let them get to know you and they'll see what I see, a beautiful, amazing, caring woman who I'm crazy, over the moon about."

"I've said it before; you're biased, but thank you."

"If I'm biased, that's only because I've seen you naked," he said, winking.

"Keep that up and we'll never make it back to your house, I'll just attack you in the car."

He gave her a smoldering look that had her clenching her thighs together tightly. "On that note, how about we get out of here and go back home and do unspeakably naughty things to each other?"

Katniss caught Rue's attention and waved her over before sliding her hand over Peeta's thigh. "I can't think of anything I want to do more," she said softly, licking her lips as she stared at him.


	6. Separate lives

**Separate Lives**

"Hello?"

"I have the most amazing news!" Prim gushed, her voice filling the room from the tiny speaker on Katniss' phone.

"You're pregnant."

"How did you guess?"

"You've been trying for a year now, Prim," Katniss said, sitting down on the couch in her townhouse. "Why didn't you tell me this weekend?"

"I knew you were with Peeta and I didn't want to interrupt," Prim said. "Seriously, it's been a year now Katniss, don't you think it's time you gave up your townhouse and just moved back here?"

Katniss sighed. Prim had been campaigning for her to move for six months straight. Peeta hadn't said anything outright, but she knew that their constant upheaval was wearing on him. He'd hired two more bakers to keep up with the demands of the bakery when he was here in Philly with her but it killed him not to be there every day, greeting customers and sneaking cookies to the little kids that came in with their parents. "Don't start, Prim. I've had a long drive-"

"That you wouldn't have to do if you'd just admit to yourself that you're in love with that man and marry him."

"He hasn't asked," Katniss said curtly. "Besides-"

"Because he's not going to push you into something he thinks you don't want to do," Prim said, talking right over her. "I don't get the problem, Katniss. You love him, he adores you."

"Love isn't everything," Katniss snapped.

"Since when? When did you become such a cynic?" Prim said, her voice rising. "You have someone that is willing to put up with your bullshit and cater to your whims and what do you do? String him along for a whole year because you're afraid to let yourself live."

"Stop it! I don't need a lecture from you!"

Prim sighed. "You need one from someone, Katniss. Stop stringing him along. If you're never going to commit, let him go and find someone that can make him happy, because right now you're just being a selfish bitch."

"Prim, I'm happy for you, but I really don't need a lecture right now. I'll talk to you later." Katniss pressed the end button before she said something she'd regret, too tired to get into the screaming match that would inevitably ensue. Prim's words hit a little too close to home for comfort. She was being a selfish bitch and Peeta just put up with it, driving six hours every other week for a day and a half of time spent together. It wasn't fair to either one of them.

She stood up and blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to ward off the tears that had filled her eyes. "Stupid period, making me an emotional wreck," she snarled, stomping down the hall towards her bedroom to unpack.

Her cell phone rang as she was putting away the last of her clothes and she glanced at it, answering it when she saw it was her boss, Marvel.

"Hey, what's up?" she said as she lifted the phone to her ear.

"How was your weekend?"

Katniss frowned. He wanted to know about her weekend? "Um, fine, why?"

Niceties out of the way, Marvel got straight to the point. "I need you in Darfur. We just had another caravan attacked and Marnie is in the hospital in London with a lacerated liver."

"I can't go to Darfur, Marvel. We talked about this on Thursday. I thought you were going to send Chaff?"

"Chaff is on his way to Afghanistan, where we couldn't send a woman. There's no one else, Katniss."

"Fuck, Marvel. I told you the last time I couldn't go back there."

"That tribal leader was killed three weeks ago; the bounty on your head has been rescinded."

Katniss rolled her eyes. "Doesn't matter, Marvel, you'll never get me through the border. My name is on the watch list, remember?"

"I'm working on that right now. I just want you to think about it. We could really use you over there Katniss."

She sighed. "Fine, I'll think about it, but for right now, the answer is no."

Katniss glared at her phone, nearly tossing it across the room as it vibrated, Peeta's smiling face staring back at her from the screen, mocking her. With shaking hands, she set it on the counter. She couldn't deal with him right now, not when her life was falling down around her ears. Picking up the box on the counter, she glared at the smiling woman on the front of it. "Stupid bitch, do you have to look so goddamned happy? Not everyone is excited if the fucking line shows up, you know!" Taking out the little stick, she set the box back down before she pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet, trying to keep from puking into the trashcan. Her stomach was a bundle of nerves and she leaned forward, cradling her face in her hand, taking deep breaths to try to keep the meager lunch she'd eaten an hour ago from coming back up. Her other hand hovered over the stick, trying to find the courage to just pee on the damn thing and find out once and for all.

The sound of the key turning in the front door lock had her scrambling up, nearly falling flat on her face as she jerked her jeans up. Hitting her shoulder hard on the door frame, she hissed in pain as she stumbled out of the bathroom, lurching down the hallway just in time to see Peeta step into the living room of her rented townhouse.

"Hey," he said, setting his suitcase down on the floor and walking towards her, arms already opening to pull her into them. "I couldn't get a hold of you, so I decided to just go ahead and come out," he said against her temple as he hugged her tightly. He inhaled deeply, burying his nose in her hair. "God I missed you, so much," he breathed.

Katniss stood stiffly in his arms, eyes closed as she fought the almost overwhelming urge to just sink against him and let him take away all the worries she'd been fighting this past week.

He pulled back, a concerned frown on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said woodenly, moving out of his embrace. "I just wasn't expecting you."

He frowned. "Did you make other plans? I thought we'd agreed to spend this week together, since you were on your period last weekend?"

Katniss shrugged. "It didn't come," she said flatly, brushing past him to walk into the kitchen, pulling open a cabinet and taking down a glass, turning to fill it from the dispenser by the fridge.

"What?"

She turned around, leaning one hip against the counter. "I'm late."

He moved closer, pulling out one of the stools at the small island and sitting down in it. "How late?"

"A week, give or take," she said, shrugging again before taking another long drink of water.

"And you didn't think this was information I'd be interested in hearing?"

She set the glass down on the island and stared over his shoulder, out the window. "You're hearing about it now, aren't you?"

He raked his hand through his hair and sighed. "Did you take a test?"

She shook her head. "Not yet, you walked in right as I was about to." Picking up her glass, she walked into the living room, sinking down onto the couch. "It's probably nothing; I've been dealing with a lot of shit at work, Prim and I are fighting and then the long distance thing…"

"Katniss," he said, getting up from the stool and following her into the living room. "This is a big deal, and we both know it."

She finally looked at him, really looked at him and the tears just spilled down her cheeks. "I know!" she shouted, gesturing wildly. "I know it's a fucking big deal without you telling me it's a big deal. Fuck! I knew this was going to happen dammit!" Setting the glass down, she thrust herself off the couch and began to pace the living room, running her hand over her braid every so often.

Peeta watched her pace the length of the room a few times before speaking, his voice thick with emotion. "You knew _what_ was going to happen?"

She stopped pacing and stared at him, eyes red rimmed and swollen. "I knew that somehow, some way, _this_," she gestured wildly between them, "was going to fuck me in ways I couldn't deal with."

"This is my fault?" he asked roughly.

"No! Yes! Goddammit! It's both of our faults! We're the ones that fuck on a regular basis, right? It's not like I'm fucking anyone else."

"Katniss, take the test before you get crazy. You don't know if you even are pregnant," he said, rising from the couch and approaching her, hands held out in front of him.

She glared at him and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Don't touch me, I just need… just don't."

"Fine," he snapped. "Just go take the damn test and we'll talk when it's over." He spun on his heel and stalked back to the couch, flopping down on it.

"Easy for you to say," she muttered under her breath as she turned around to walk to the bathroom. "You're not the one whose whole life is going to change if that little line pops up pink."

"I heard you," he called loudly. "And yes, my life will change too." She could hear him walking towards the bathroom and she shut the door, clicking the lock. The handle jiggled and she heard him curse. "And now you're locking me out? Dammit, Katniss, you don't have to do this alone, I'll be here no matter what the test says."

"Just go wait in the living room," she said through the closed door, leaning against it and closing her eyes. "Please." She looked down at her hands, tears welling again as she saw how much they were shaking. Pushing up off the door, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, shaking her head sadly. "Pushing thirty and you still can't get your shit together, Everdeen." Grabbing the stick, she went to the toilet and followed the directions to the letter, pacing the small length of the bathroom as she waited for the results.

She could hear Peeta on the other side of the door and guilt finally made her click the lock. He pushed the door open and leaned against the frame. "I really hate it when you do this," he said softly.

Katniss stared at him hollow-eyed. "I just can't-"

He was across the small space before she even finished speaking, wrapping her up tightly in his arms, stroking her back lightly. "You don't have to. I'm here, Katniss. I love you and I'm here."

She sobbed uncontrollably against his shoulder, too flooded with emotions to respond. He held her tightly, murmuring softly under his breath. "Whatever it says, we'll be okay. We're adults, Katniss, we can deal with this."

She shook her head, backing away from him. "No, you're an adult, I'm a fucking mess."

Peeta sighed, raking his hand through his hair. "Its stress, you're not pregnant."

She rolled her eyes. "So now you're a doctor too?"

"I'm not going to fight with you, so you can stop trying to pick one," he said wearily, glancing over at the counter. "It was two minutes, right? I think it's done."

She pushed him out of the way and picked up the stick, closing her eyes briefly before staring down at the small window. It was blank, sterile whiteness filling the tiny oval. "I don't…" She held it out to him, her hand shaking like a leaf.

Peeta had the box in his hand, reading. "If it's blank, you're not pregnant. It only shows something if it's positive." He glanced down at the stick, emotions flitting across his face almost faster than she could process them, but the main one she saw before he shuttered it was disappointment. Her heart clenched painfully. Of course he was disappointed, this was everything he ever wanted but the thought of actually being pregnant, even with his kid made everything in her want to shrivel up and run away screaming.

"I'm not…we're…oh god, I'm gonna be sick," she muttered, dropping to her knees in front of the toilet and heaving. Peeta was behind her in seconds, holding her hair back and lightly stroking her back.

When she was finished, she laid her head on the seat and flushed the mess away. She felt him move, sitting down on the floor behind her. Turning her head, she looked over at him. He looked away quickly, but not before she saw the tears glinting in his eyes. Pain gnawed at her, along with guilt and she flipped her head back, using her hair as a curtain to hide behind.

"We should talk about this," he said eventually, his hand ghosting over the taut lines of her back.

"What's there to talk about?" she asked, pushing up off the floor and reaching for the glass next to the sink, filling it with water and rinsing her mouth. Her stomach was still rolling, but it wasn't bad enough to warrant her staying parked over the damn toilet anymore.

He stood up, meeting her eyes in the mirror. She broke the contact first, pulling open the door and rooting around for something to take the edge off. Her hand closed around a bottle of oxytocin that she'd had for a root canal a month or so ago. Opening the container, she shook out two and reached for the glass once more.

His hand closed over hers, and she lifted her head, staring up into a face that she knew almost as well as her own. His emotions were shuttered, but she knew how disappointed he was. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

She jerked her hand free and lifted it to her lips, tossing the pills inside and taking a drink before answering him. "Yes, I think it's a fucking wonderful idea."

He held up his hands in surrender, going to the living room to retrieve his bag. She followed, leaning against the doorframe. "You're leaving now?"

He turned around, hefting the bag in his hand. "No, I was going to unpack, unless you want me to leave? Tell me what to do here, Katniss because it seems like I can't do a fucking thing right since I walked through that door."

Tears pricked her eyes and she dropped her gaze. He closed the distance between them. "I don't…"

"You don't? Don't _what_ Katniss?"

Lifting her gaze, she glared at him. "I don't want you to leave."

"You're sure? I don't want you to feel like you have to spare my feelings. I'm a grown man, Katniss; you don't have to be afraid of hurting me. I think we've more than proved we're damn capable of that at least."

"Do you want to leave?"

"No, I don't," he said simply, sighing deeply. "But I also don't want to be where I'm not wanted."

"I don't want to fight with you," she said softly.

"I don't want to fight with you either," he said.

She took a step closer. "Stay, Peeta. Please."

He dropped the bag and wrapped his arms around her, nestling the top of her head beneath his chin. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, her words muffled against his chest. "Not yet, I just want you to hold me."

"I can do that," he said, stroking lightly up and down her back. "Why don't we go lie down and try to get some sleep? I doubt you've had any and I was up at dawn to get here before noon."

"Okay," she said, letting him lead her back into the bedroom. He stripped off his jacket and got on the bed, holding out his arms to her. She crawled into them, resting her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"Peeta! Peeta!"

He woke instantly, rolling over and wrapping his arms around her. "Sh, Katniss, it's okay, I'm here."

She stared at him wide eyed before collapsing against his chest, sobbing so hard that her shoulders shook and the front of his shirt was soaked in seconds. "I…nightmare…you…"

"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere," he said softly, stroking her hair with one big hand, cuddling her closer with the other.

"Scared…lost you." She gasped between sobs.

"Never," he breathed, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I love you, Katniss, I'll never leave you."

"I can't be the person you want me to be," she sobbed against his chest. "I can't even take care of myself, let alone a tiny baby."

"Sh, it's okay," he murmured. "You're not pregnant, Katniss, its okay."

She lifted her tear stained face to his. "But you want us to be, don't you?"

He sighed, knowing the drugs and the lack of sleep were making her more honest than she normally was. "I wouldn't say no to it."

She shook her head, burrowing back against his chest. "I'm such a fuckup."

"You aren't," he said, rubbing her back. "You're who you are and I love you."

"How can you love me if I can't ever give you what you want?" She pulled away from him and rolled over, hugging the pillow to her middle. "Why would you stay with me?"

"Because we belong together, Katniss. You're my other half, haven't you realized that yet?" He curled around her, slipping his arm beneath her head, curving the other around her waist, big hand spanning the space between her hips. "I'll love you until the day I die," he breathed against the shell of her ear.

Her hand moved to rest lightly over his, threading their fingers together as her breathing slowly quieted and evened out when sleep claimed her once more.

Katniss slept for fourteen more hours and when she woke, she was groggy as hell. The noises coming from the kitchen startled her and she slipped out of bed, reaching for the heavy flashlight she kept beside the bed for power outages. Creeping down the hall, she held it in her hand, ready to bean anybody that jumped out at her.

She peered around the corner and saw Peeta wearing an apron that one of her coworkers had got her as a joke, screen-printed with a woman's body in black lingerie. The flashlight fell to the floor as she doubled over laughing, nearly falling on the floor.

Peeta turned around and struck a pose. "What, you don't think I'm sexy?"

Katniss shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Dead sexy," she said, coming into the kitchen.

Peeta glanced at the flashlight on the floor. "Were you planning on knocking me out?"

Katniss flushed. "Sorry, the meds made me loopy and I forgot you were here, so when I heard something in the kitchen, I grabbed the flashlight."

He nodded, grabbing the bowl sitting on the counter and the whisk he'd bought when he'd discovered she kept nothing in her kitchen except the numbers for take-out places and began whisking the contents into a delicate froth. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah," she said softly, glancing around her kitchen. Every available surface was filled with pastries and cakes, enough to feed the entire neighborhood. If it wasn't so sad, she would've laughed. Peeta was so predictable in his method of dealing with stress – he baked until he could get a handle on things and then gave it all away. She sat down at the bar, watching him. "What're you making now?"

"Crepes," he said, smiling at her, glancing around sheepishly at all the food he'd made. "I took a walk and found a farmers market about a mile from here so I bought some fresh blueberries and strawberries."

"You bought more than that, looks like." Her stomach chose that very second to growl loudly and she laughed, patting it. "Smells delicious, if you couldn't tell."

Peeta leaned across the counter space and kissed the tip of her nose. "I love the fact that you eat and aren't ashamed of liking food."

"It helps that I have a boyfriend who is an amazing cook," she said, winking at him.

"And looks damn sexy in an apron," he said, returning her wink. "No more nightmares then?" he asked as she reached for a muffin, pulling the paper back and taking a big bite, her eyes closing in ecstasy as the sweet peach flavor filled her mouth.

Her eyes flipped open and she stared at him in confusion, swallowing the bite she had in her mouth. "Nightmare?" she asked, taking the glass of milk he handed her and washing the last bits of the muffin down.

"I guess it was the pills you took, or hell, maybe just the stress of everything, but you woke up screaming." He put the milk back into the fridge and leaned against the counter, staring at her.

"I…uh…" her voice trailed off and she picked her muffin. "I don't remember waking up, did we talk?"

Peeta shook his head. "Nevermind, if you don't remember it, it's probably for the best," he said resignedly. He picked up the bowl he'd set aside to get her drink and dipped his finger into it, holding it out to her. "Here, try this."

Her lips closed around it, sucking the light, sweet whipped cream off, her eyes closing in bliss. "Damn, that's good. How long are they gonna take?" she asked, reaching for another dip of whipped cream and nodding towards the stove.

"Two minutes, so stop eating all the cream."

"But it tastes so good," she whined, dipping her finger into it again and scooping up a huge dollop.

"It'll taste better on the crepes with the berries," he said sternly, moving the bowl out of her reach.

"Spoilsport," she griped, leaning her chin on her hands. He turned back around and dropped a pat of butter into one of the small sauté pans he had on the burners and she took a moment to admire the sleek curve of his ass as he filled the pan with a scoop of the thin batter and swirled it around, coating the bottom of the pan. When it was cooked, he flipped it over and out onto the plate he had waiting. He'd just lifted another spoonful of the batter when she spoke again. "Actually, it'd taste a lot better if I licked it off your cock."

He spun around, whipping crepe batter all across her kitchen. "What did you say?"

She grinned wickedly and rose from the chair, stalking across the kitchen to where he stood. Stopping just inches from his chest, she tilted her head up and slowly dragged her tongue across her lips. "I said, it'd taste a lot better if I licked it off your cock."

"Oh fuck," he breathed. "That's what I _thought_ you said." He reached back and took the remaining pan off of the heat, flipping the burners off before turning back around. "Now, where were we?"

Katniss drew her finger down his chest. "Bring the whipped cream and meet me in the bedroom." She walked backwards out of the kitchen, staring at the slight rise in the apron that his cock made against it.

He reached for the bowl of whipped cream and followed her down the hall, watching as she shed clothing with each step. He couldn't undress and carry the bowl at the same time, so he just appreciated the view as she bumped up against the bed, falling back onto it, her legs dropping open. "Gimme," she said as he kicked the door shut behind him, reaching out to take the bowl. "Naked, Mellark." He set it in her hands and she dipped her finger into it and scooped up a big dollop, sticking it into her mouth and moaning.

"Are you sure you want this, after this morning?" He asked, standing at the foot of the bed watching her.

She dipped out another scoop of whipped cream and swirled it around her nipple, smiling wickedly when his eyes darkened. "There's condoms in the drawer and the stick was clear, I'm not pregnant so yes, I want this."

"Katniss-"

"If you don't want to, I can get myself off."

He glared at her. "Nice."

"Well, get your ass naked and come fuck me or stand there and lecture and I'll get myself off, your choice."

"You don't have to be a bitch," he said angrily, stripping off his clothes and tossing them aside. Once he was done, he jerked the bowl out of her hands and set it up on the bed, out of her reach, head dipping down to suck the sweet cream off of her nipple. His teeth grazed against the pebbled tip and she groaned, head dropping back to lie against the bed.

"I'm always a bitch," she gritted out, shifting restlessly as his teeth worked her nipple, his hand teasing against her clit.

"Doesn't mean I have to like it," he snapped as he kissed his way across her chest to suck and lick at her other breast, two fingers dipping into her pussy and thrusting against her spot.

"Oh fuck," she panted, hips rising in time with his movements. "I think it turns you on," she moaned, running her fingers through his tousled curls, tugging lightly on the fine strands when the beginnings of an orgasm rippled through her. Bliss saturated her body, sizzling along her limbs and leaving her shaking and gasping, fingers tight in his curls.

Peeta pulled his fingers out and lifted them up to suck them clean. Tiny pink streaks made him recoil. Katniss opened her eyes when she felt him move off the bed. "Hey, where're you going?"

"Your period came," he called out from the bathroom over the sound of the water running.

"What?" She rolled up off the bed and walked to the bathroom. "I couldn't hear you."

He turned off the water and reached for the towel. "Your period came when I was fingering you."

"Oh," she said, leaning back against the wall. "Do you still want to…"

His eyes met hers in the mirror. "You tell me."

She shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me, I can give you a blow job since you already got me off."

He shook his head. "It's not that big of deal."

Her eyes dropped to his cock, still semi-hard against his thigh. "Doesn't look like it's not a big deal."

"I don't have to come every time it gets hard, I'm not twelve," he said, leaning back against the counter. "I'm fine, it's fine."

She shook her head and went to the toilet. "If its fine then, could you give me some privacy so I can take care of this?"

He sighed. "My tongue's been inside there, but you're going to freak out if I watch you put a tampon in?"

"Fuck you," she snapped, reaching under the sink for the box of tampons. "Stay or go, I don't care anymore."

He gave her a measured look and spun on his heel, slamming the bathroom door behind him as he left her alone.

Katniss kicked the cabinet door shut and buried her face in her hands, fighting the hot, angry tears that pricked her eyes. Prim was right, she was a selfish bitch.

Peeta was sitting in the kitchen in his boxers when she finally came out of the bathroom, her robe wrapped tightly around her. She padded softly over to where he sat and pulled out the stool next to him, sliding onto it. "I'm sorry," she said softly, staring at her hands.

He sighed, turning just enough so that she could see him out of the corner of her eye. "I think we need to talk."

Her head jerked towards him, eyes wide as she stared at him. "Are you…are we done?"

He raked a hand through his hair. "I don't know, are we?"

Tears filled her eyes and she swiped angrily at them. "Why do _I_ have to answer that? You're the one that said we needed to talk," she snarled.

He held up his hands in surrender. "Poor choice of words, but I can't keep doing this. Every time we take a step forward, you freak out and end up pushing me away and then we're ten steps backwards."

"This isn't all my fault," she snapped, reaching for a napkin and wiping her face, anger blooming hotly on her cheeks.

"No, I'm as much to blame as you are," he said wearily. "This is both of our faults and this pregnancy scare was just the straw that broke it wide open."

"You want me pregnant! It'd suit all your plans for our lives perfectly."

His cheeks flushed. "I'm not going to apologize for wanting a family, Katniss. Fuck me, I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you and have children with you! Why does that make me a monster in your eyes?"

"I don't want that life! Why can't you understand that?" She shouted back.

"I do understand it, haven't _I_ been living by your rules for the last fucking year? I don't push you for more, I drive six damn hours every other weekend to spend a lousy day and a half with you. It's not enough anymore! I'm tired of waking up lonely, Katniss."

"Do you think it's easy on me either? I'm driving just as much as you are-"

He held up his hand. "These are your rules Katniss; you made them, I'm just the one forced to live by them."

She glared at him. "Fuck you, you sanctimonious prick! The only person forcing you into living by them is you. If they bothered you so fucking badly, why have you been doing it for the past year then, huh?"

"Because I love you, or have you forgotten that like you conveniently forgot," he held up his hands and made air quotes, "that you had a nightmare about me leaving and I told you that I'd love you until the day I fucking die? Jesus fucking Christ, Katniss! How much more do you want me to bend?"

"If you're that unhappy, why are you even here? I'm sure Glimmer wouldn't mind keeping your bed warm."

"Dragging up past sins? You really don't want to go there, sweetheart."

"Don't! Don't you dare fucking call me that!"

"What did _they_ call you, the nameless fucks that you dragged into your bed to help forget about me? They weren't all nameless though, were they? Did Gloss call you sweetheart?"

She slapped him hard, her handprint a livid red against the paleness of his cheek. He laughed mirthlessly. "Right, I wasn't supposed to know about that, was I? Guess what Katniss? People fucking talk when you live in a small town, so I knew all about that one. Was it payback for Glimmer?"

"Fuck you, Peeta Mellark! So fucking perfect, but you were the one that cheated first, remember?" She rose from the stool and glared at him. "I'm done with this bullshit."

He spun his stool around, grabbing her elbow and jerking her around to face him. "Running away again?"

She glared at him, her eyes darting between his hand on her arm and his face. "Let me go or I will hurt you."

He snorted. "What, more than you already have? Take your best shot, sweetheart. You've already broken my heart and tromped on it like it was yesterday's trash."

"Take your hand off of my arm, Peeta or I swear-"

He jerked her closer. "Swear what, Katniss? Going to hit me? Go ahead, I dare you."

Her eyes narrowed to slits as she jerked free. "I hate you."

He rolled his eyes. "You can't hate me worse than I hate myself." Without giving her another glance, he stalked off down the hall, slamming her bedroom door behind him. She could hear the closet opening and she knew, without a doubt, she'd pushed him too far this time. Fat, hot tears spilled down her cheeks and she felt like she was going to puke, her knees nearly buckling as the door opened again.

Peeta walked down the hall, fully dressed, his bag in his hand. The look he gave her made her gut clench, so full of pain that her knees buckled and she fell to the floor, her hair falling around her like a shroud. "I love you, Katniss, more than life, but I can't live like this anymore. I thought I could but I'm not made of stone. I'm going to a hotel before we say something we can't take back. I'll text you and let you know where to find me."

She wasn't sure how long she'd been on the floor, but her knees felt like they'd been attacked with baseball bats and her eyes were so swollen from the tears she'd cried that she could barely see. Pushing herself up off the floor, she stumbled down the hall to the bathroom, cringing as she flipped on the light. Her eyes burned like crazy but she fought through the pain and made it to the tub, turning the water on before stripping off her robe and stepping into the enclosure. Bending down, she pulled up the lever for the shower and lifted her face as the spray drenched her.

She stayed in until the water turned icy, cursing as the spray needled into her body. She pushed back the curtain and stepped out, reaching for the towel hanging beside the shower. Her eyes fell on the empty pregnancy test box and a fresh wave of tears pricked her eyes. The hollow, empty ache that had been her constant companion all week was back, settled firmly beneath her breastbone.

Forcing herself to turn away from the box, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. "What a miserable fuck-up you've made of your life," she whispered brokenly. It was time to fix this, to let him go once and for all. She glanced back over at the box in the trashcan. A part of her that she thought had long been excised wept over what could've been. To see the physical manifestation of their love for each other, how would it have been? Would it have been blonde or brunette? Grey eyed or blue, or some unique combination all its own? Would it have her personality, or his? She sighed, reaching for her hairbrush and running it absently through her hair as she let herself fall deeper and deeper into the fantasy. His, of course. Hers was a fucking nightmare of paranoia and fear, buried behind an icy façade that kept out all but the most determined. Their child would be a miniature blonde haired little boy that looked at the world with wide eyed wonder. He'd be loving and open, just like his father, seeing the world at its best, rather than the way she did, with mistrust and waiting for the other shoe to fall. The illusion changed and Katniss saw Peeta and the beautiful little boy standing just beyond her. A blonde woman came into view and the smile on Peeta's face was the one that he normally reserved for her. Peeta turned and walked towards the woman, with his son in his arms, leaving Katniss behind. No matter how hard she pounded on the invisible wall between them or how much she screamed, he just kept walking until he finally slung his arm around the woman and they headed off into the ether.

The tears falling on her chest jerked her painfully out of it and the ache beneath her breastbone grew larger, feeling like it was swallowing her very soul. Wiping at the tears, she stared at herself in the mirror. She had to let him go to find someone that would make him happy.

Walking out of the bathroom, she went to find her phone, praying that he'd done as he'd said he would. When she pulled it out of her purse, she could see the notification. He'd sent it three hours ago. She dialed voicemail and waited impatiently for the message to queue, her heart in her throat.

_"I'm at the motel 6 on Charleston. I'll stay here until nine am and then I'm driving home."_

Katniss threw the phone onto the small table with her keys and ran back down the hallway towards her bedroom. She grabbed the first thing she found, a dark blue pair of sweats and an old ratty t-shirt, hastily braiding her hair as she slipped her feet into the pair of vans next to the bed. He'd seen her in worse, not by much though. Going to the desk, she dug around until she found a legal pad and ripped off a fresh page. Sitting cross legged on the floor, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before starting to write, tears spilling down her cheeks with every word that flowed onto the page. When she was finished, she folded it up and stood up, rummaging through the desk for an envelope. Tucking the letter into the envelope, she wrote Peeta's name across it. A large tear splashed down onto the envelope, smearing the last letter a bit. Flipping the light off, she ran back down the hall and scooped up her phone and keys, dumping the phone into her bag as she pulled open the door, locking it behind her before racing down the short flight of stairs to her car.

Getting in, she pulled out her phone once more, pulling up the GPS and searching for the Motel 6 he'd said he was staying at. When the address popped up, she turned on the ignition and backed out of the drive, buckling her belt as she sped down the dark street.

She pulled into the lot and grabbed her phone, shoving it into her bag as she stepped out of the car, locking it behind her. The office was brightly lit even at three am. She pulled open the door and winced as the bell jingled merrily. A sleepy looking clerk stood up from behind the counter. "Help you?"

"Yeah, my boyfriend checked in her a few hours ago, Peeta Mellark?"

The clerk turned to his computer and began typing. "Mellark? One l or two?"

"Two," she said, turning around and glancing over the parking lot. She saw his truck parked over by the end of the building and her heartbeat slowed just a bit as relief washed over her. She wasn't too late. "I need to know what room he's in?"

The guy frowned at her. "Um, I can't give you the room number, that's against the rules."

Katniss leaned over the counter. "We had a fight and it was all my fault. I can't leave it like this between us. Can't you just tell me the room number, please? I have to apologize."

The guy shook his head. "Sorry Miss, I could lose my job if you're some nutso trying to get even." He held up his hands as her eyes narrowed. "Look, I'm not accusing you of anything, but it's three am and you look…"

Katniss rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone, pulling up the text Peeta sent, shoving the phone towards the clerk. "Look, he sent me a message telling me where he was. I'm not looking to cause trouble; I just have to talk to him before he leaves."

"Sorry, policy says I can't. I can call his room, ask him to come here and meet you."

Katniss shook her head. "Nevermind. Just give him this, okay?" She handed over the envelope with shaky hands.

The clerk took it. "I'll make sure he gets it in the morning."

"Thanks."

She turned to go and the clerk's voice stopped her as her hand curled around the doorhandle. "Who should I say it's from?"

Katniss closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning back to the clerk. "He'll know." Tears pricked her eyes and she blinked rapidly, fighting them back. If she didn't get the hell out of her now, she'd never be able to leave. She palmed the door handle, easing it open slowly and stepping outside. Spinning on her heel, she raced across the parking lot to where her car was, digging into her purse as she ran for her keys. Finally pulling them out, she unlocked the door and slid into the car, the tears she'd fought so hard against finally spilling free. Glancing back at the hotel she'd just left her heart in, she sobbed brokenly. "I'm sorry, Peeta. So sorry," she whispered as she pulled out of the parking lot. Reaching for her phone, she pressed the speed dial, speaking as soon as they answered. "I'm on my way to the airport, what airline do you have me on?"

"You have a letter."

Peeta looked up from the receipt the clerk handed him and frowned. "What?"

The clerk reached into the box of cubicles behind him and pulled out a thin, white envelope. "Some lady came in last night and left this for you."

Peeta's frown deepened. "She didn't say anything else, just left the letter?"

"She looked pretty upset, like she'd been crying."

Peeta pulled out his phone but there was no message notification or missed call notification. His heart clenched painfully. She'd run –_again_. "Okay, thanks."

He walked out to his truck and got inside, staring at the letter. His name was written on the front, the last letter smeared by what looked like a tear stain. His stomach churned with nausea and he wasn't sure which hurt worse, the fact that she was gone again, or that she'd written him a letter to tell him. Opening the envelope, he pulled out the sheet of legal paper and unfolded it.

_Peeta,_

_I know that reading this isn't what you wanted, but it was the only way that I could tell you everything I needed to say without crying and getting into another fight. I've hurt you so badly, when all you did was love me. Words cannot express how sorry I am for that, but you knew, you knew I couldn't handle any more than I could give you. You deserve so much more than a broken woman who can't even keep herself together. You deserve love and happiness and joy and I left because I know you can find them, you need to find them. You are so good, so giving and loving that I cannot deny a child that love. If anyone was made to be a parent, Peeta, it's you. You love so unselfishly, it's beautiful to see. You are so full of love that it literally shines._

_I'm leaving the country, going to a place where I know I can at the very least do some good with my life. I will love you until the day I die. I lied when I told you I didn't remember you saying that because I couldn't handle just how much you make me feel. You'll always be a part of me._

_I love you_

_Katniss_


End file.
